A Beautiful Resistance*; Don’t Judge a Flower before it Blooms**

It felt like a stab to the heart; a pierce of intense pain induced by a powerful emotion. Jeneé Osterheldt, creator and host of A Beautiful Resistance *, said,” there is a Zora Neale Hurston quote,” and hesitated, I teared up because I knew in my soul what would come next. “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” I’ve repeated that quote, I’ve used it in blog posts, I’ve embodied it.

A few years ago, I wrote a post on making people comfortable. HUSH: SUMMER OF LOVE, THE FOURTH OF JULY AND THE “N” WORD. Now I embrace the concept as a potential opportunity to bring reality to the moment. With in a few months of my move to Boston, I attended a my first evening of A Beautiful Resistance. After the host, Jeneé Osterheldt, spent her time with each guest, she’d ask, “what makes your life a beautiful resistance?” The words just came to me, “I integrate white spaces, one room at a time.”

When people ask, what do you do, I respond, “… integrate white spaces one room at a time.” Not as an accusation, but as an observable fact. All one had to do is look around and see, I was the only African American in a room of European Americans. Fact based and indisputable, it provided people an opportunity to both chuckle and reflect. This week, when I heard the question, I felt a shift.

“What makes your life a beautiful resistance?” Integrating white spaces …while still true, no longer resonates. I waited for the magic, a new phrase and nothing. The last guest on the program was musical artist Yanna G** . Not yet 21, she was asked how she feels when people talk about her generation. She said, “don’t diminish a flower before it blooms.” Wow. Maybe my new resistance has not bloomed.

The next day, I taught a yoga class as a special program for the Museum of African American History for 24 people . Today, I reflect on the powerful Hurston quote. “If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” To speak the words of pain is an act of resistance. But do we need to speak the words of joy and happiness also? Are we afraid to speak with giddiness when those around us are doom spiraling? Do we need acts of resistance and refusal around happiness?

Are we silent about our joy? Do we really tell people what makes us happy? When I look at the photo, there are people who make me smiled. The mushroom foragers who I viewed fireworks with, my summer on a rooftop friends when we have laughed so hard our stomachs cramped. My wonderful neighbors who welcomed me to the building …and they actually showed up. Finally the yoga community. People develop relationships with people they work with, for some of us, it is the people we yoga with.

Do these people know how much they are valued by me? And for the people I’d never met, well they are smiling, they joined in on the fun and games. I could not be happier. A day later, I still feel the joy, This week consider silence versus expression, pain versus joy and how do each express each in your life.