Problem Solving, No is a Complete Sentence and Sobriety

I stopped drinking as an experiment. A friend needed to get sober and asked me,” after I get this under control, I can drink again, right?  Out of curiosity, I thought I’d not drink for a month. This was the experiment, since I didn’t have a problem, how hard or easy would it be for me to stop. That was 30 years ago. For 30 years, I’ve said, I don’t drink. The results have fascinated me.

I was surprised by the societal opposition. At a wedding, a gentleman was incensed; “You have to drink, you can’t toast the bride and groom without alcohol; that’s bad luck. Drink!” Another time was at a party; a woman insisted I have a drink; the third time she prodded me with, “oh have at least one drink; you need a drink.” Frustrated, I simply said, “I don’t drink. I don’t have an issue, I don’t drink. Please realize, if I struggle with sobriety, you could be my undoing.” We are pushed to alcohol. Let’s go out for drinks, meet for drinks, go to a bar. To be clear, I have nothing against any of this. I don’t care if others drink; no judgement. What gave me pause to observe how deeply rooting alcohol is in our practices. I could see how some people become very defensive. others rushed to justify how and why they drink and finally those that push for an explanation.

Do you need to know the reason? The list is long, pregnancy, medication, alcohol flush reaction, erectile dysfunction… The list goes on. When offering someone a drink, people seem to not understand “no,” is a complete sentence. That can be a problem. What support is there for sobriety?

One of things I do in business coaching is ask people, what problem do you solve. It’s a great approach for an elevator pitch. While people want to introduce themselves with their experience, education and accolades, none of that matters if you can’t solve problems. I have a friend that was looking for sobriety support. She couldn’t find it, so she created a podcast series, “Not Your Drinking Buddy.”

It solves a problem. “Not Your Drinking Buddy,” is a sobriety support and a sobriety perspective. No is a complete sentence, is my perspective and experience with sobriety. What’s the simple response when someone says no or I don’t drink? Heard. Just say heard. You don’t need to justify your question (that’s all about you) or repeat the offer (that doesn’t help.)

This week, consider a couple of things. What’s your stance on sobriety and how do you respond to no?