Ugh, I hate trying to put in codes for gated communities. It’s stressful, I feel like people are watching me as I fumble to lower my window, read the instructions and fumble with my phone to read the code. As I’m doing my routine, a residence pulls up to the gate and it opens. I pause, do I follow the car or try and enter the code. I mean, I’m convinced people are watching, so I don’t want to look like I’m tail gating, I mean I do have the codes and I am going to visit someone. I know the system and there is no way my car is going to get stuck, but wait what will the other car driver think Well, if they do stop and question me, I do have the code and I’m going to visit someone. Yes, all of this really went through my head before choosing to go thru the open gate.
Why do I hesitate with opportunity? There those who read this and thought was this anything to think about, yet alone write a blog post about. Alas, there is another group who reading this and nodding in familiarity. For those who immediately go thru the gate, know there are those of us who question every opportunity, see every gift as a potential trick and seem to miss hints… We frustrate you because we seem unsure and rather staccato in actions because we go through this entire dialog and it appears to you as if we stand still and then suddenly lurch into action. What’s going on is, we can’t accept a gift, and we miss hints and subsequently opportunities because we don’t recognize these things for what they are?
For the first group, those who will immediately go thru the gate, those who recognize opportunities, understand hints and accept gifts. Hopefully this has enlightened you to what is potentially going on. To make us move faster, you will have to encourage us, give us the rationalization to act. For the other group, there is a good chance, they are aware they are oblivious to HOGs (Hints, Opportunities and Gifts.) If you think of yourself as cautious, not reading too much into things and feeling a little uncomfortable or unworthy when presented with a gift, consider this might be you; oblivious to HOGs. Chances are, unbeknownst to you, a few opportunities have slipped by, you’ve missed a few hints and you’re turning down gifts.
Once, I was in a meeting and the host said, we’re looking for someone to take the worldwide leadership position, do you know anyone interested? I very much wanted the position, but sat in the meeting trying to think of someone qualified. It was only later at the airport I with a couple of the attendees did I understand they wanted me to take the job. I almost missed that opportunity and it occurred to me, I’ve probably missed a lot and how can I react differently?
For my fellow over thinkers, clueless in the clouds, you have missed hints, opportunities and gifts. When someone offers to help you carry something, look something up for you even reschedule an event, do you immediately say, oh no and in your mind you are being polite and considerate of others? It’s a gift, on occasion; take it. Be mindful you are potentially missing things, say OK more often. For potential hints and opportunities,use clarifying phrases such as, “say more about that” or “do you mean this for me?”
For those that take those opportunities and are perplexed that this is even an issue, now you know. There are some of us who are clueless. If it serves your best interest, help us out, be direct as possible. There are times when we just don’t get it, what ever it is. For those oblivious to hints, opportunities and gifts, remember, he who hesitates is lost. It’s not a bad thing to approach work and life with caution. However, there is a balance. There is a good chance if you move a little faster and are a little more spontaneous there are great opportunities all around. Get a clue.
Balancing on Unstable Surfaces 
Thanks, from a fellow over thinker.
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While I would characterize myself as an over thinker, interestingly, as it relates to the security gate situation, my hesitation is entirely related to the fact that I am a person of color and I am acutely aware of being viewed as trespassing despite having a “legitimate” reason to be there. As I read your post I found myself wondering if this was ever an underlying issue for you as well. Though, I do find your description of the open gate being a gift or opportunity an interesting take on the situation.
On the rare occasion that I’m not distracted by being unfairly profiled, my reluctance to proceed through that open gate is tempered by the fact that I liken it to speeding up to beat a changing green light. I believe it to be inherently unsafe as I can never be sure of what is on the other side of that gate. My way of being is to err on the side of caution so yes, I would wait and punch the number in and wait to be let in.
As someone who lives in a gated community, I can tell you that I really dread having someone tailgate me as I can safely assume their focus is making it through the gate and not safety. I am always concerned that they will rear end me in their effort to make it through the gate, their car untouched. I tend to enter slowly, often coming to a rolling stop at the interception right beyond the gate cautiously aware that someone may be walking in my path. There are children on my property and I am hyper vigilant in being aware of their presence especially when entering the property.
I wish more people would exercise patience when they approach a security gate. Why are we all so concerned that other people are looking at us, judging how quickly we pass through? After all, if we are at the gate , we probably don’t live there and so of course we don’t know what the hell we are doing! And that should be ok!
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Absolutely, that is my underlying issue which led tot he whole overthinking dilemma. It made me realize, this isn’t even something most people even think about, it’s just an opportunity they take.
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