“You should not have cut your hair, you need to wear a wig and bleach your teeth to look better.”
Yup, someone told me that last week. I thought, I don’t care. But what does “I don’t care” really mean? Are some phrases used so automatically, feelings and express emotions go unexpressed? “I don’t care,” is ambiguous. It can be used dismissively or to support. This past week, I kept track of the times when I said “I don’t care.”
I’m not Changing Anything
My feelings about the advice, I should wear a wig and bleach my teeth?
Your opinion is not going to change my behavior.
Variations include: the actions of other people are not going to influence my choice.
Low Priority
I was in a meeting to prepare for customer seminar my group is hosting. I wanted to get started on my tasks when the meeting topic shifted to font selection. I mentally scream, “I don’t care.” However, since I’m committed to not flippantly say “I don’t care,” rather than sit and squirm or be dismissive of the conversation I said:
“This is not my area of expertise and I need to finish my budget submission, is it ok if I leave?”
Variations include: the outcome does not impact me, this is not on my list of concerns.
It doesn’t Matter
A small group of us were going for coffee after yoga class and the inevitable, where should go was asked. I stop myself before I say I don’t care and respond differently than in the past.
“I am just happy to have had a great class and to have some time with my friends. I’m not constrained by time and I’m going to order tea, any place works for me.”
Variations include: I’m picky about a lot of things, this isn’t one of them.
Out of My Control
Within an hour, I get three text messages and an agitated phone call about a certification changes with questions around why and how. I have empathy, these people are really concerned, but I am in a new job and I don’t care. Opps, there is goes again. Please note: this is different than someone saying, it’s not my job, goodbye, with no inclination towards customer service. This is:
“I am sorry, I am in a new position. I have no input or control over the process. “
Variations include: If I had that kind of power in the universe, I would not be working here.
That was my week. It’s a small thing, you may think I don’t care. That’s OK, it means my opinion is not going to change your behavior.
Balancing on Unstable Surfaces 
Thank you. I hate to hear I don’t care. I know you don’t care before I ask (not you of course) and I don’t want to ask. I just want to do my job function (what I am good at and what I enjoy without the input of someone who doesn’t do what I do) and my part in the big picture.
I am female, work with mostly men in a corporate setting. For years I moved forward without asking others for their input until I was finished. I finally learned that even though they have no opinion there is something about being asked before I proceed that makes them feel more important and see me as less of a threat. The grown folks do not worry of such pettiness. But where are the grown folks in the work force.
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I think I need to stop saying “I don’t care” even when I don’t.
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It’s hard. Once I became conscious of it, I was surprised at how often I say it.
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Great food for thought, Sheila. I’m curious now how often I think or say “I don’t care!” Great mindfulness activity! It’s all about intention, isn’t it?!
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Brilliant observation. It is intention isn’t it? Thank you, that’s the theme, as you said mindfullness.
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