Little pitchers have big ears.1 I heard that a lot as a kid and had no idea what it meant, other than it was accompanied by a head jerked in my direction. Older now, I realize I heard an extraordinary and diverse amount of adult conversations. Occasionally an adult would realize I understood every word and utter the proverb, but that did little to nothing to the stop conversation and would peak my interest even more. Episodic tales of husband cheating, wife beating, home foreclosures, suspected gay, unsuspected incest, embezzelment, pretty much a whole host of things. I was that kid behind a book so I went unnoticed. I heard lunchtime faculty discussions in Hampton’s University dining room. I was often dragged along to meetings and sat in the corner when a babysitter was deemed unnecessary. I watched my mom enter expenses into a ledger book and heard whisper conversations about interest rates waiting for the church repass to be done. This is where I learned to listen and keep my input to myself and it helped this week.
I listened to a live discussion with 4 panelists and a moderator, all African Americans on the male perspective, relationships and a few adjacent topics. The repeated theme was “we need to get back to.” Like we need to get back to respect, we need to get back to men in leadership, we need back to men as head of the household. What “mythical past” was this? I am 10 to 20 years older than the panelists. The speakers talked about how families stayed together, men were the head of the household. I typed into the live chat therapeutically only to delete. I was there to listen and forced myself to keep out of it. It was a men’s point of view, not a senior citizen perspective.
Mentally I screamed. Women could not hold mortgages or credit cards until the mid 1970s! Domestic Violence did not become a federally recognized crime until 1994. Women stayed in marriages. They stayed because they had to, not necessarily because they wanted to. Those who weren’t cheated on would say, at least he doesn’t beat me. I understood a lot of conversation, the racism, having to play stupid so white people don’t get upset, how the police could and would blame you for something you did not do. That made sense, but the abuse and cheating didn’t. I remember a neighbor talking to my mother in frustration, finally yelling out, he beats me. I was 3 years old at the time. That’s how chilling it was. Twenty-four years later, The infamous, you told Harpo to beat me and the controversy around the depiction of black men is still vivid. The book and movie are a time period between the early 1900s through the 1940s that meshed with the ages of my parents and their friends. I asked, when was the “mythical period’ we need to get back to?
The 70’s? They discussed how black women have more education than black men and how that has created a divide. Historically, Black women are the lowest paid in the US workforce, so for survival, black women had to have advanced degrees to get some semblance of pay equity. I grew up in segregation. The majority of teachers were black women. In Virginia, at that time, black teachers had to have masters degrees to be hired unlike their white counterparts. Just a footnote, women have a higher level of education then men regardless of ethnic group.
So what’s this mythical time? Seems it has to be after the 1964 civil rights act which intended to rectify the rampant racism. Yes, before that, we had to support our own businesses because we weren’t allowed in many restaurants, theaters, churches, hotels, and the likes. We were not allowed. Not patronizing our businesses or any harm to our businesses hurt us. The community would not stand for it. Can’t be the 80’s, this was when the CIA planted crack in black communities.2 So when and where are we getting back to?
As I questioned what “mythical past” the guests referenced, I understood. Make America Great Again – MAGA! The feel good campaign of the century. It’s the same question I have asked over and over. What period are we going back to that was so great? Stunned, I could now see the beauty in the simplicity, the one size fits all solution, there was a time in the past when things were better. You don’t have to say, how, what, when or where. Just leave it up to the imagination. Brilliant.
The definition of an opinion is a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge. The expression, “everyone is entitled to their own opinion,” is crazy talk. “In my opinion,” literally means, without facts or knowledge I’m espousing something that may or may not be true. (More screaming along with hands thrown up.) I get it now, the idea of return to or great again, refer to a nebulous time in history subject to interpretation.
With this concept, there can be multiple villains who took something away from you and if you defeat the villain and you can go back, make America Great again and return to Nirvana. Ten years have passed this week since Donald Trump descended the golden escalator at Trump Tower on June 16, 2015, to announce his candidacy for president. The things is, there’s is a difference between going back, going down and moving forward. We often think, if I could go back in time with what I know now. What about we start to use what we know now? This week, consider what it looks like and feels like to go forward.
1“Little pitchers have big ears” is a proverb warning adults to be mindful of what they say around children, as children are often listening and absorbing more than they let on. The phrase uses the image of a pitcher’s handle (resembling an ear) on a small vessel to illustrate how children, despite their size, can hear and understand adult conversations.
2This is another subject within itself.
Why the crack cocaine epidemic hit Black communities ‘first and worst’
Gary Webb: In His Own Words (2002) | CIA Cocaine Dark Alliance
Balancing on Unstable Surfaces 
Yes, definitely. Despising the “we need to get back to…” mentality. Fear and ignorance
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