Happy New Year: Regrets, Advice, Confessions and Death Doulas

I’m not big on New Year’s resolution. If it is something so important and valuable to you to do, why wait for a new year? This year it’s different, it a time of completions. My brother had a successful kidney transplant, I moved to a new city where I knew no one, after 6 months of two mortgages and two sets of house related expense (insurance, HOA dues, utilities, etc.) I’m on track to have the sale of my Oakland condo completed in two weeks. I’m on my reset. A reset is like the moment you take to catch your breath and reorient yourself after a near accident. You are calm during the time. When it’s over, you realize your heart is beating fast, your palms are sweaty and you’re holding on for dear life. It takes a bit of time relax and acclimate.

A few weeks ago, over a community dinner, the host asked what do you want to do less of and what do you wan to do more of in 2024. And now, in my time of acclimation, I’m reading a book, The Collected Regrets of Clover by Nikki Brammer. The title character is Clover, a death doula. Back in October, I heard an NPR program about Death Doulas. In the book, Clover documents the regrets, advice and confessions of her clients. It made me think of endings and how I’m ending things minus the death. But, what if for a moment, I had an impending death mind set?

This week, consider your regrets, advice and confessions. With this in mind, going forward in 2024, what do you want to leave behind and what do you want to take forward?

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Death Doulas may seem like a new or progressive idea, but they are as old as death itself. In many cultures throughout history, mental, spiritual, physical and emotional support have been a fundamental part of the transition to death. Today, such support is rare, especially in Western cultural settings which tend to avoid discussions about death. A survey by The Conversation Project concluded that 90% of people say that talking with loved ones about end of life is important, yet only 27% have actually done so.

FIVE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT DEATH DOULAS