Who are They: Unintentional Deception and Misplaced Beliefs

Y’all stop. Really stop. Again, in a discussion about the Netflix series Wednesday, someone commented….and she learned how to play the cello. Me: “uhhh, yes, but that is not her playing.” Them: “Yes it is, I read she learned to play cello.” Me: “She’s a brilliant actress, but that is not her you hear. She also learned to fence, canoe and archery skills, but come on…” I have taken cello lessons for almost three years and I know what she did is not possible with 2 months of twice a week lessons. If you talk to any cello player about the Paint it Black solo, there is agreement. “….you can’t play that fast, it sounds digitally augmented; that is two cellos playing…” All kinds of theory, but no one, says, oh yes, she learned that in two months, that’s her playing. What you read is intentionally deceptive. Every article you read talks about the intense prep. It’s deceptive and harmful.

These impossible standards. Countless people are frustrated  or feel worthless because they perceive “they can’t.” Achievements are not necessarily a short period of intense hard work, but consistent work and maybe a little inspiration. The thing is “they” can’t be our inspiration, because “they” didn’t really do it.  Hair color, contacts, veneers, spanx, come on, we’re not required to recite our enhancements to the public.  Andie MacDowell did not feel good about being dubbed by Glen Close for the Legend of Greystroke. These things happen more than you think. It’s all good until we mere mortals try to replicate what think is true; it is just not going to happen. Sadly, you can unknowingly set out to immolate the success of Bernie Madoff, innovativeness of  Elizabeth Holmes or athleticism of Lance Armstrong only to find out they are great deceptions of truth. Or others whoIt is a rare thing when the actual person speaks out about when photoshopped.1

When I do a speaking engagement, it may seem like I’m doing it spontaneously, but trust and believe, as I tell people, I have written, edited and rehearsed. The same when I am teaching or even facilitating a strategy session. I have a foundation before starting. I want people to know what is realistic. This is where you laugh. Think about those cooking shows that make whipping up a dish, baking a special treat sound easy until your try. Or those work outs promising 6 pack abs or a beach body look simple. So again, grrrrr, that is not her you hear playing the cello. I know, I need to let it go.2

What are  things you do that people may not realize the work and thought involved. It can be anything from an outfit, to a meal to a driving route. Give yourself credit for this. Now consider the things you want to do, you try to do, is there some false expectations set up by “they?” Well, y’all stop 🙂

1Oprah Winfrey’s head on Ann Margaret’s body for the cover of TV Guide (″Ann-Margret should be thrilled because she’s got another TV Guide cover,″ Sendler said. ″And Oprah should be thrilled because she looks terrific.″ ) & Lupita N’Yong hairstyle change on the cover of Grazia.


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