Ruthless: Rock, Present & Here

Present or Here?

No! That’s my ruthless response to “the one.” The one that didn’t read the brief description and wants an exception, the one that ignored something they needed to do for a year and makes it my emergency, the one that joins a meeting 15 minutes late and expects me to ignore the 25 other people in the sessions and “catch them up.” No. To a degree, it’s a mess we’ve created. There was a role call when I was in school, you answered “present” when your name was called. Now in the work place, we are often “required” to be in a meeting we could care less about and we do our email if we are remote or maybe Wordle. If there were a role call, we could answer “here,” but, we are definitely not present.

That’s  the difference between present and here. Present is in the moment and engaged versus here which is someone in a seat. Let’s discuss necessary ruthlessness. As a host, do you have the right people? I facilitate sessions by starting with the expected outcome. More than once, this as ended a meeting because participants either didn’t have the right knowledge or could not make decisions. This is a good thing, a productive thing. I, as part of the  host team, am responsible for results, staying on track and reading the room1. Host have to somewhat “own” the room.

Ego Death World Tour 2022, Oakland CA

They locked up my phone, well everyone’s phone. For Chris Rock’s Ego Death Tour, no mobile devices were allowed. We got Yondr’ed. That’s owning your space. Therefore, everyone will be vaccinated, everyone will wear masks and  no one will have a mobile device. I can hear a Chris Rock like voice in my head saying, “None of y’all are going to record MY show and post all over social media. NO! Now,  I will allow people to come in late. I am get paid wether you are in the sea or in the street. But, even if you paid for a $500 a ticket, if  you missed the first 45 minutes, that’s on you; I am not going back to redo the 45 minutes you missed. My show; my rules.”

You can put a lot of things on your calendar. Logistically, it can all work. But, are you able to be present for all those appointments, or, do you need to be ruthless? This is different from saying no to things you don’t want to do. This is declining a few things you really want to do, but holistically, it’s not going to work.

Saturday, the 16th, Yashua Klos and  Michael Ealy are doing a talk at MOAD from 3:00 – 4:30 and I teach a master class at 4:30. If I left the talk , which I really want to attend, at 4:05, I could walk to the subway, hop on the train and arrive at the studio right at 4:30 to teach. The thing is, I would not be fully present for the talk (looking at my watch and trying to determine how to discreetly slip out)  and as a teacher, a “host” I would’t be present rushing in at start time. This week, consider the ruthless no. Are there times when you agree to things you really want to do, but are not fully present?  Are there times when you need to reconsider here versus present? Finally, are there times when you were host, you could have set rules?



1Read the Room – to be or become aware of the opinions and attitudes of a group of people that you are talking to https://bousbous.com/2022/02/14/lets-talk-about-illiteracy-read-the-room-black-history-and-a-moment-of-silence/

2 Yondr – mobile phone pouches which close with a magnetic lock, similar to those of a retail security tag, and a device for unlocking them. Yondr products can be used at private events to lock up a mobile phone or similar device while inside. https://bousbous.com/2022/06/06/cell-ish-fair-versus-damage-control/

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