It has to be said: The Crop Dusters, Flatulence & FODMAP

Lifehackers recommend “crop dusting” as the most effective way to release gas (aka fart) in public, the walk and release, the move and go. It typically takes 10 to 15 seconds from launch for anyone to smell flatulence, hence you are out of the room before anyone notices. In polite company, we don’t discuss gas and bloating. Yet, we all do it; we pass gas on the average of 13 to 21 times a day. Alas, we’ve all probably had an occasion of flatulence when you take a sniff and contemplate what state of health could possibly allow your body to emit such a foul stench.

My yoga teacher training was 10 hours a day in a small space. I was terrified of gas, so I was eating “clean.” Chamomile tea, apples, avocados and almonds; I was miserable, I was bloated with cramps. On the second day, I was so fearful I just drank mint tea. A fellow student noticed me not eating and asked,”have you heard of FODMAP?”  A quick google search showed my “clean” foods were gassy foods. FODMAP are short-chain carbohydrates (sugars) that the small intestine absorbs poorly. I downloaded a FODMAP app. When eating out or shopping, I can check foods. Not every item is a problem for me. While breads feature heavily as avoid foods, I can digest bread with no issues. 

FODMAP makes you abandon or rather rethink the idea of “healthy or good for you.”  I love Lays Potato chips, which I think of as bad. So, I thought I’d substitute a bag of Harvest Snap Green Peas as a salty crunchy snack to be healthier. WRONG. I was suddenly gassy, I consulted my app and sure enough, green peas are high in FODMAPs, raw, baked or fried. FODMAP is a good place to start if the cause of bloat and gas are a mystery for you. I miss a couple of my vegetarian staples, mushrooms and avocados, but they give me cramps. Whilst I will endure a little for a cute shoe, not so much for gastro intestinal issues. Bloated is just not cute or comfortable.

As we enter the eating season, consider, when asked what is in something, the person may be trying to determine FODMAP content.  A simple thing like onions or mushrooms, even what may seem like just a little to you, can set off intestinal distress. As a long time vegetarian and a year into FODMAP, we know how to carry snacks or plan ahead so we don’t starve. It’s not your food, it’s our digestive track.  We’re being respectful and trying not to launch noxious bursts, do a gas & pass or crop dust as a public service. Thank you for your attention to this matter.